When was the last time you sat down and decided who would be responsible for what at home? Maybe never?
When was the last time you sat down and decided who would be responsible for what? Maybe never?
If you want to start dividing the household labor and the mental load fairly, here are some tools to help.
The Household Equity Audit.
A step-by-step process for quantifying the work you're doing to keep everyone's lives running smoothly at home. The mental load included.
First, you'll create a list of all the things, using the audit's 100+ tasks as a starting point. Then, you'll assign each one a value to each task, and you'll identify who does it and who is mentally responsible for making sure it gets done. It's not about scorekeeping. It's about identifying where the inequity exists (and how much inequity there really is), so you can address the areas where changes are needed.
Find out where the inequity exists.
Most couples who feel imbalance have tried the standard fixes and still feel stuck. This is meant to be a starting point for evaluating the current distribution of labor in your home.
If your results reveal an unfair distribution of labor, know that it's not necessarily a personal failure. You have both been shaped by a society that has assigned different roles to men and women for generations, in ways that are so normalized they have become nearly invisible. If you aren't able to resolve these issues on your own, consider working with a coach (like me) to address the inequity by getting to the heart of why things were never balanced in the first place.
TRY THE AUDIT
Find out where the inequity exists.
Most couples who feel imbalance have tried the standard fixes and still feel stuck. This is meant to be a starting point for evaluating the current distribution of labor in your home.
If your results reveal an unfair distribution of labor, remember, it’s not necessarily a personal failure. You have both been shaped by a society that has assigned different roles to men and women for generations, in ways that are so normalized they have become nearly invisible. If you aren't able to resolve these issues on your own, consider working with a coach (like me) to address the inequity by getting to the heart of why things were never balanced in the first place.
TRY THE AUDIT
This audit is the first step to start making real changes at home.
Time Inequality
Time inequality is one of the most intensely felt but least named forms of imbalance in a relationship. It shows up not just in how many hours of free time each person has, but also in the quality of that time. Find out whether time inequality exists in your relationship and how to start balancing the scales.
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For Parents
Get the guide to sharing the mental load throughout the school year. It includes 5o+ planning points to talk through, plus practical strategies for equitably sharing the load throughout the school year. Having productive conversations, owning tasks vs. delegating, setting up routines and systems, and working as a team without keeping score.
